All of the totally normal things that drive me mad after having a kid

  1. Squeaky doors. And squeaky floorboards. I think we can include squeaky pram wheels here too. Can we just stop all squeaking people? There is nothing worse than getting your kid to sleep, or half asleep and trying to do the stealth sneak out only to be thwarted by the damn squeaky floorboards.
  2. People who beep their horn when my kid is sleeping in the pram. A**holes.
  3. People who give you advice on how to get your fussy eater to eat, bad sleeper to sleep, tantrum maker to stop tantrum-ing. Literally none of the ‘helpful’ advice you’ve just given is helpful. None.
  4. People who talk loudly on the street when I’m trying to get Austin to fall asleep. Seriously. How. Dare. You.
  5. People who walk as a pack on the footpath and make no room to let you past. Like seriously, do you want me to move on to the road with the kid and the pram? Move the F over. It’s a two-way footpath people.
  6. Restaurants and cafes that don’t take my order the second I sit down. Ok, I am on a timeframe people, and that kid sitting next to me is my alarm clock. I need a coffee stat. Let’s not mess around!
  7. People without kids who talk about how much sleep they’ve had. Or how much sleep they haven’t had. Or pretty much anything to do with sleep. Zip it.

Whoa, I sound like an old cranky woman don’t I? I probably just walk around the streets scowling like a mad person so people talk loudly, beep their horns and don’t take my orders so that they can avoid me. Hmmm. I might just think on that awhile.