All of the totally normal things that drive me mad after having a kid

1. Squeaky doors. And squeaky floorboards. I think we can include squeaky pram wheels here too. Can we just stop all squeaking people? There is nothing worse than getting your kid to sleep, or half asleep and trying to do the stealth sneak out only to be thwarted by the damn squeaky floorboards.
    
2. People who beep their horn when my kid is sleeping in the pram. A**holes.
    
3. People who give you advice on how to get your fussy eater to eat, bad sleeper to sleep, tantrum maker to stop tantrum-ing. Literally none of the ‘helpful’ advice you’ve just given is helpful. None.
    
4. People who talk loudly on the street when I’m trying to get Austin to fall asleep. Seriously. How. Dare. You.
    
5. People who walk as a pack on the footpath and make no room to let you past. Like seriously, do you want me to move on to the road with the kid and the pram? Move the F over. It’s a two-way footpath people.
    
6. Restaurants and cafes that don’t take my order the second I sit down. Ok, I am on a timeframe people, and that kid sitting next to me is my alarm clock. I need a coffee stat. Let’s not mess around!
    
7. People without kids who talk about how much sleep they’ve had. Or how much sleep they haven’t had. Or pretty much anything to do with sleep. Zip it.

Whoa, I sound like an old cranky woman don’t I? I probably just walk around the streets scowling like a mad person so people talk loudly, beep their horns and don’t take my orders so that they can avoid me. Hmmm. I might just think on that awhile.

The do's and don'ts of Paris with a toddler

- Do book your eurostar train tickets to work around, or at least with, nap times.

- Don't do this just one way of the journey. Like we did. The train journey to paris was like a dream it went so perfectly. On the way back I think everyone in the whole train station knew us. You know the 'oh those people again' comments. Yep, that's our child crying at the top of the escalator for 30 minutes. With no shoes on. Pointing at something in the distance uncontrollably. I think he was crying for a reason at first (though we never did figure it out). But by the end I don't think even he knew why he was crying. It was FUN. At least all the staff took pity on us and let us go in the super fast lane to get through. Then again, maybe they were just trying to get rid of us. Don't blame them really.  

- Don't let your kid wake at 330am on your first full day there when you have heaps of activities planned. Actually, I don't really know how we could've stopped this but I do know it was a huge pain in the a**.

- Do stay near one main attraction. That way when you're tired AF (from your toddler waking at 330am) there is one place you can stroll to without any fuss. We stayed just across from the Louvre (A-MAZ-ING) and the huge Tulleries gardens were a massive WIN for the toddler.

- Do eat every pastry in sight. What? You'll probably need the energy to keep up with the toddler.

- Don't worry about the diet. The french paradox will mean you'll probably come home skinnier. Right?

- Do let your kid enjoy the beautiful park surrounding the Luxembourg Palace.

- Don't let him sit on the merry go round by himself. Or at least, be prepared to catch him should he fall (yes he fell, it was traumatic, but he was totally fine). 

- Do book somewhere half decent to stay. We all know you'll be spending way more time than intended indoors with the toddler. 

- But don't make the accommodation too amazing because Paris is so damn good you won't want any excuses to not get out and make the absolute most of it. 

Tour de paris

We’re slowly realising when you’re travelling with a toddler there is only so much you can squeeze into your day. Our ratio is generally half doing heaps of awesome cool things, the other half doing pretty much nothing while trying to keep the kid happy.

Visiting the Eiffel Tower was definitely in the awesome cool things list from this trip. Despite being Mr. cranky pants for most of the time Austin was totally up for the adventure. In fact catching him so early in the day was all sorts of good because he hadn’t woken up enough to do his usual running away from us trick. And he was all cute and cuddly, which is totally rare.  

We beat the crowds, we saw the sunrise over the Eiffel Tower (so beautiful) and then we had chocolate pastries for breakfast. Pretty damn good.

So in light of our morning going so swimmingly well for once, here are my 5 tips for tricking a toddler into touring:

1. Get out the door real quick in the morning so they’re unsure what’s going on.
2. For bonus points wake them up early, this will hopefully stop them from running away from you all morning. Like every other damn day. You might even get some extra cuddles while they're still waking up. 
3. Make it exciting. ie. use that “isn’t this exciting” voice for everything you do. “Look, we’re getting a taxi!” “Look, a patch of grass!” “Look, the Eiffel Tower!” If you do it enough the excitement will be catchy.
4. Buy nick-knacky toys from the street vendors. Kids always like nick-knacky toys.
5. Chocolate pastries for breakfast? Yeah, why not.

Life's a beach

Meg wears: H&M dress (similar here), zimmerman belt (similar here).
Austin wears: H&M swim shorts, Cotton-On polo, Cotton-on jumper (similar here), Native sandals.

When google says it will take 30 minutes to get to the destination and for some strange reason you believe it. Because you forget to take into account that your toddler will refuse to get in the pram. And then every five minutes you’ll need to stop because he wants a snack. And a drink. Then his hands cleaned. Then he’ll stop to look in every second window you pass. Then you will get to the station just as the train is coming. But miss it. Soooo our short 30 minute journey time didn’t quite work out how we thought it would.

BUT we did eventually make it to Beach Beast. Yay! The colour. The rides. The sand. The boardwalk. Oh GEEEZ. Sooo much fun for small people. Us big people didn’t mind it either. But you know, once you’re over 30 and sleep deprived and needing coffee bad you get a little jaded. If it wasn’t for Austin’s excitement (and the frappuccino’s all round) we probably would’ve wondered why we were there… but toddler excitement is damn infectious. So WEEEE we went on the rides, we ate the food and we dug in the sand.

We could’ve stuck around to sit in the Olympic Games zone, or check out the bar or splash in the paddle pool… but there’s only so much fun a toddler can take in one day. 

There's no place like the museum of home

Austin wears: Jacadi Paris polo (similar here), JoJo Maman Bebe shoes, cino shorts (similar here).
Meg wears: vintage dress (similar here), Free Fish shoes (similar here) and fedora hat from Camden Market. 

Why is everything about a hundred times more enjoyable when the weather is good? We are having so much luck with our touristy days lately and I'm pretty pretty sure most of it has to do with the blooming good weather. And hey I'm not gonna complain. Nope. I'm gonna lap it up!

Geffrye museum was a perfect example of the weather making our day out soooo nice. As soon as we got there we parked ourselves on their glorious front lawn for a bit of a picnic (if you can call Austin scoffing biscuits and then running around like a mad-man for the rest of the time a picnic). And just when we thought he would slow down (as if), he ran through the series of gardens in the back as well.

The museum itself shows how people have lived through the times 'museum of home'. Not all of it is suited to a toddler but there is enough to keep them interested (special kids sections on each plaque, fancy 'treasure chests' and other interesting artefacts). Then when you're been suitably 'cultured' there's also a coffee shop with cakes that look AMAZING, and a kids area too with tables for drawing and other activities. 

Austin was pretty stoked with his morning. And so were we because after all of his running Sir "i don't want to nap ever" fell straight off to sleep on the way home. 

The toddler's in charge

Walking the streets of Dalston. Meg wears: Au Lait tank, Minty Wendy necklace, Oliver Bonas hat (similar here). 
Austin wears: Tootsa tshirt, H&M Jeans, H&M shoes (similar here). 

It seems I don't need to run the house anymore. There's a new guy in town. He's tough. He's demanding. And not in the least bit reasonable. Yep, welcome to life with our two year old.

Don't nobody think he's getting in the pram. Coz he aint. And don't anybody even think about helping push the pram. Coz there is only one pram pusher in this house. The two year old. Yep, we make a trip around the corner look laughable, like some sort of snail paced marathon with a two-foot-tall angry turtle in charge. 

What was that? You wanted to leave the house to get to the kiddy class on time? Hahaha. The two year old laughs in the face of leaving the house on time. Coz he is craaazy like that. Just coz your'e the mum doesn't mean you make the rules. Oh no, because he will cry, and stamp and throw god damn biscuit bitties all over the house... until he is ready. So don't you even dare rush him. Coz the two year old will decide these things from now on. 

So you'd become quite comfortable with your two hour lunch-break (kiddy-nap-time) had you? What you use this time as some sort of secret mental nirvana to keep your sanity? Well the two year old says NO. And when he says NO you don't second guess that shit. So quit your whinging and get on with it. 

Oh man. There is gonna be some sort of epic game of thrones, survival of the fittest, battle to the ... ok not to the death, but battle extraordinaire this week. Mama bear is taking back the reigns. Hopefully. Or at least a little bit. Please? God damn. It's lucky he's the cutest little monster around. 

How to negotiate with a toddler in 7 easy steps

Austin wears Ducky Street tattoos, Mini Rodini t-shirt and H&M track pants (similar here)

1.     Try to reason with them. ‘We need the pram today because it’s a very long walk to get there, and we’re already running late so…please get in the pram. I really need you to get in the pram now. Get in the pram please. I said GET IN THE PRAMMMM'.  

2.     Bribery. Chocolate is a sure fire win. So is ice-cream. And sweets. And other yummy snacks. Though the sugar hit probably isn't going to win you any favours when it wears off in 20 minutes. Let’s just tackle one problem at a time shall we?

3.     Beg. This doesn’t really work but it somehow manages to find itself part of the negotiation cycle pretty damn often.

4.     Be passive aggressive. Yeah that is really going to work.    

5.     Get angry. Then instantly regret it.      

6.     Pretend to cry. This at least will get their attention even if it gets no other results.

7.     Give up.

Oh hold on wait, did I say seven easy steps? I meant seven steps I use, that drive me crazy! Ugh. Kids really have a knack for making grown-ups look completely mad don’t they? I usually find somewhere between six and seven Austin miraculously goes and does what I wanted, happy as larry, while I'm standing there a broken person.  #parentlife eh?

Woodberry Wetlands

Austin wears: Cotton-On polo (similar here), H&M jeans, Native shoes.
Meg wears: Karen Walker sunglasses, Karen Millen dress (similar here). 

We had such a great morning at the Woodberry Wetlands on the weekend. And we managed to do it without Austin having some sort of meltdown or me forgetting a critical element in Austin's backpack or all of us jumping on the wrong bus to god knows where. We had to get a break at some point right? Or maybe we’re just super-amazing-best-parents-in-the-world (hahaha. Ok, I’ll stop getting carried away now).

The wetlands were so perfect for our Saturday morning stroll on so many levels… 

1. Austin could run and run and run (woooo, you wear yourself out kid!).
2. There were no roads for him to run on to. Thank gawd. The kid has a knack for giving me heart attacks.
3. For a family which is used to city living you can get your dose of nature all in the one spot. Beautiful wildflower meadows, ducks on the wetlands, birds flying above. Sigh. It was pretty picturesque. <3
4. And probably the most important part I can get one of my all time fave London coffees while on the walk. Yess! Lizzy's delivering the goods as usual, let alone the absolute amazeballs menu.

So yeah, we had a pretty good morning. Boom. Not gonna hold my breath, but here’s hoping we can replicate this unicorn of a day out next week. 

Welcome to the terrible(-y awesome) twos

Austin wears: Jumper Mini Rodini, Hat and Jeans H&M (here and here), Shoes Jordan's (similar here)
Meg wears: Necklace Minty Wendy Boutique, Shoes FCUK (similar here), Dress Mango

When your baby boy turns two… he is no longer a baby anymore - believe me!

He is at least half your height, espesh when you're a shorty like me. He knows exactly what he wants when he wants it; he knows what he likes (oh yeaaaah!) and oh boy you will learn quickly what he dislikes. He won’t let you help him, hardly (I am Mr Independent!) except for the rare moments when he is tired or upset and wants to be curled up in a ball on your lap (sigh). He is exploring and learning and testing all day long. Every day he is doing something new or saying something new (we just got the uh-oh over and over the last few days).

He is sooo grown up in so many ways. But forever our little baby boy in our hearts. <3 Happy Birthday little man. And welcome to the terrible(-y awesome) twos! 

Ten ways we just got Britain-ised

So we were walking to Father's Day lunch on the weekend, and i couldn't help but notice we're picking up all of these strange habits living here in England. Yep, I think we just got Britain-ised. I'm sure there are a heap more but here are ten ways I've found us acting more and more like Brits:

1. celebrating father's day in June (say whaaat?!).
2. thinking 18-22 de grees is a real stinker of a day. Phew, soooo hot. (Hahaha, if only they knew what hot weather really is). 
3. using sunday as your standard pub lunch day (yep two sunday's in a row and counting).
4. saying hi to pretty much everyone with 'you right?' Yes my dear, I am "right". 
5. calling a bug a mini beast.... ok that is a lie! I will never be able to call a bug or a beetle or anything like that a mini beast. Though it does make a normal situation sound way more exciting. 'Pat, come quickly there's a mini beast in the bathroom!'
6. walk pretty much all over London and always wear runners. Ugh, i know. 
7. expect to split a restaurant bill by about 10 cards. To be fair, i think this is pretty normal the world over (except for us aussies back home). 
8. calling the pram a buggy. I really tried to avoid this. What in the hell is a buggy anyway? Are we on a golf course? Where's my caddy to push it? Turns out the name is pretty damn catchy.
9. catch the bus. ALL. THE. TIME. I think i caught the bus once in my whole life back in Melbourne. 
10. given up on shopping centres. Oh, this makes me really sad. We're all like 'let's just head down to the high street' now. Yep, every suburb has its own little high street, and although it's no Chaddy Shopping Centre I'm getting used to my local little village.